It's been a while since the last time I've written anything and I guess I should do it more frequently just for the simple fact that it helps me to get all my thoughts out on paper, because during missions my thoughts are always many. This post is really three posts in one.. first a brief description of the past week with the youth group, then I guess a little bit of “preaching” which is really just me typing about some things I've been thinking about, and then some thoughts about my mission experience thus far in Peru. You might need to take a coffee break in between or get up and stretch if you're not one who likes to read a lot... haha.
This last week was a very busy one for me but I was definitely blessed. A team from the youth department at Southpoint Community Church came here for a week-long STM (short term mission). Among them were a few familiar faces, friends whom I have not seen in a while, and I was happy to see them.
The first thing I want to say is how amazing this youth team was. I had not known any of the students prior to their arrival here and so I did not really know what to expect. I guess from now on I really should always expect my expectations to be blown out of the water whenever God is involved, and God is surely involved in the lives of these teenagers...this much was evident to me. Their hearts were really into their service here, and their boldness to step out in faith again and again was very encouraging to me.
It was a very long week, every day we were all up at the crack of dawn and did not return until midnight or later. The days were full, going from one school to another, preaching the gospel, sharing testimonies, and performing a drama that depicted Christ's love for us. This time though, I was a bystander, I was only there to help the students, it was a week of ministry for them. And while they may believe that their ministry here was to all the non-believers at all of the schools we visited, they also ministered to me. Hearing their testimonies was tear-jerking, what they have gone through at such a young age, and what God has brought them out of and transformed them into is nothing short of miraculous and incredible. I am rarely ever around teenagers in my day-to-day life so I guess I'm not up-to-date with everything they deal with in this day and age. That being said, I was in shock at some of the things I heard.
The bible tells us that the world is falling apart, that the wicked are only becoming more wicked, and that sin is only going to become more prevalent but sometimes I guess we can take the reality of this for granite. When I was hearing their testimonies my mind was really gripped with thoughts of the prevalence of sin in this world and to be honest it was really saddening, but then I was overcome with joy hearing and seeing what Christ had done in their lives to free them from sin. I am always amazed at the change in people from before Christ to after Christ. When the bible says that we are a new creation (2 Cor 5:17) it really means that we are a new creation, it's not speaking figuratively. The supernatural work of salvation is just as miraculous an act of God as the physical creation of our bodies or of the universe.
To me this is also one of the best evidences of my salvation, and of the fact that there is a God and that this God is personal. Certainly God has revealed himself to us in many ways, and many times we try to point at all these different things to show that God exists, and there's nothing wrong with that, but we often overlook ourselves. I'm not speaking just of the physical creation of man and woman, all of our intricacies, the complexity of our eyes, our symmetry, our ability to look at the stars and wonder, the amazing amount of information in our DNA and the way in which it's carried out, our desire to love and be loved, I'm speaking about those of us who are Christians. Because to me, the greatest proof is in the change. Seeing people who used to curse God, hate God, people who never gave God a single thought in their life, people who used to love every kind of sin you can imagine...seeing these same people now preach the very Christ they once trampled all over. Apart from God, this is inexplicable. When we are made new creations our whole nature is changed. It's not just as simple as one day we didn't believe intellectually that Christ really lived/died/rose again, and then someone convinced us and now we believe that. No, it's far more complex. This gets into one of my favorite doctrines in the bible.. the doctrine of regeneration.
As I just said, when we are made new creations, our very nature is completely changed. We have new desires. We love things we used to hate or things we never gave thought to, and we also hate things we used to love, we hate the very things that we were at one time so comfortable doing. Allow me to use myself as an example here... I went from never giving God a thought in anything I ever did in my entire life to desiring to acknowledge him in all my ways. In fact, since they day I was saved, I have not gone a single day without thinking about God. Not only that, but its not just as if I give thought to God once or twice a day, but God is constantly the focus of my mind. The bible uses “slave talk,” many analogies to slavery such as the fact that through the blood of Christ we have been “bought with a price,” and indeed many of the epistles begin with the apostles introducing themselves as slaves to Christ. Some bibles say “bond-servant” but the proper translation of the Greek word “Doulos” is “slave.” The HCSB and some others get this translation correct. Anyway....you ask where I'm going with this? Whatever controls our minds is what we are a slave to. If you're constantly thinking about money then guess what...you're going to be a slave to money. If you're constantly thinking about women, then you're going to be a slave to lust. I went from being a slave to a number of things to being a slave to God, everything I do and everything I say proceeds from a mind that considers the approval of God. Now, this does not mean that I always obey, because I do not...and that is when I am in sin, but my point here was to show the drastic and miraculous result of the work of the holy spirit in me causing me to undergo what the bible calls “regeneration.”
I used to sin uncontrollably, my conscience was completely fine with committing what I now know to be blatant violations to God's holy and perfect law. In fact, I don't even think I knew what “sin” was. I used to curse several times a day, probably more than I remember. This changed overnight. I'm not talking about some ongoing therapy sessions with a psychiatrist, I'm talking about an overnight change without talking to anybody except for God. I went from cursing constantly to being utterly disgusted and ashamed of some of the things I used to say. In fact, its not as if these words would pop into my head and I would have to bite my tongue to keep from saying them. On the contrary, since the day I was saved I've never had a desire to say those words that I once loved. I remember a few months ago I was scrolling back as far as I could through my facebook posts from before I was saved and I came across some of the things I would put as a status, I couldn't believe it, I literally had to convince myself that I was the one who typed those words, I didn't even recognize myself, and of course I was ashamed at the things I used to say.
Another thing that changed instantly is the way in which I looked at women. I used to have no problem looking upon women lustfully. After all, that's the culture we live in now right? A culture that says that women are nothing more than objects made for men to stare at. You don't have to try hard to figure that out, look at our TV shows, our billboards, our advertisements. I see advertisements that are selling merchandise that have absolutely nothing to do with women at all and they stick a woman next to it who's wearing as few articles of clothing as possible. All they're doing is using women as items because they know that men are controlled by their lustful passions, and as the slogan goes... “sex sells.” The sad thing is that these women don't seem to mind being used, anyway I'm going off on a tangent here. My point is that I used to be just like the rest of the “world,” I had no problem with these TV shows, or these advertisements, in fact I enjoyed them because I enjoyed looking at women in that way. Hey guess what? Not anymore. Not only am I ashamed that I used to look upon women in such a way, and not only do I hate every ounce of me that ever has any desire to look at a woman like that again, but when I see these advertisements, or when I see real women walking around who dress like that I am grieved. Because I know that they have no idea what they're actually worth. They don't know that women were created for a much greater purpose than to merely be someone's sex object. They don't know that instead of being created to show off their bodies they were instead created to glorify the God that made them. They find their affirmation from the amount of men who look at them instead of from the God who has more love for them than any man could ever provide, especially the type of men that they often attract.
Lastly I'd like to just share a change that is not unique to me but that does not occur among every convert because we all have been given different gifts in the body of Christ and I believe that this change coincides with what God has gifted me with. This is also something that I have heard of from other Christians, mostly from pastors whom I listen to, and it is also something that occurred overnight. Before I was saved I never read. I rarely ever opened up any of my school textbooks which were “required” readings, let alone did I ever read anything for “pleasure.” If only you could see my own personal library of books that I have read in the less than two years that I have known Christ... I'm still waiting for God to give me a Barnes & Noble gift card or something haha. Seriously though, overnight I was given an insatiable hunger and thirst for God. I HAD to know more about him, I HAD to know who he was. The bible became the most interesting thing in the world to me and I couldn't get enough. Within a couple of weeks of being saved I had already read the Gospel of John (maybe another but I don't remember), Tim Keller's “The Reason For God,” and the C.S. Lewis classic, “Mere Christianity.” Almost two years have gone by and this has not stopped. I'm sitting in my room in Peru right now with a stack of books that I brought with me, I've read 3 of them in the less than two months that I've been here and I'm working on another. Please do not take this the wrong way, I am not bragging about myself, I am bragging about my God, because I believe with 100% of my being that it is he who has given me this desire and that he has done it for several reasons.
At first I thought it was just so that I could understand all the questions I had. I had many questions ranging from evolution to the problem of evil. So I would read everything I could to answer my own questions. I began to be very interested in “Apologetics” which by the way has nothing to do with apologizing because I would never apologize for being a Christian. I was also interested in what science had to say, was evolution really a fact? Were there any smart, credible, Christian scientists out there who had sound reasons for not believing in evolution? Then from science I went to philosophy and on and on and on.
My main hunger and thirst was for understanding the Word of God. I don't even remember how it all started but I began listening to sermons online from pastors like John Piper, reading articles, listening to conferences. I had roommates who probably thought I was crazy (even though some of them were Christians) because my favorite thing to do was literally to listen to sermons. I just had to know what God meant by what he said in his word. I didn't want to settle for what I wanted a particular verse to mean, or to guess what I thought it might mean, I had to know what it meant and thankfully God has lead me to listen to some of the best bible teachers in the world. I now see why God gave me these desires. Not only was I being satisfied because my own questions were being answered, but I was beginning to be able to answer the questions that others had for me. Not just other Christians but non-believers as well. I realized how much joy I received from teaching the bible to others, for helping others to see the great truths that are contained within God's holy word. And not only that but instead of being weary of atheists who like to ask the tough questions, I was happy to sit down and discuss anything with them. Because the same questions they ask me are questions that I once had for myself... and because of Gods work in me, I had done my homework. I even began writing up papers to my professors who teach evolution as fact, showing them several reasons why it can not and never will be considered a fact, as well as showing them evidence for a creator...though I knew all along that they could never come to a knowledge of God through mere intellectual assent because it is a revelation of God and man cannot know God through worldly wisdom. (1 Cor 1:18-25)
As you can probably tell, I could go on and on and on about all of the drastic changes that took place in my life upon being saved, many of which were instant, others are on-going as sanctification takes place. I'm sure some psychologist somewhere has some clever terminology that he'd use to explain all of this but I am certain of one thing... Never in a trillion years would I ever have chosen Christ. Just like the bible says in Romans 3, I was not seeking after God (because nobody seeks God...only what he can give them), in fact I thought I was already a “Christian.” These changes are nothing less than supernatural, my mind was completely re-wired, and I truly am a completely different person today than I was before that cool October night in 2009. It is now my delight to preach the same Christ that I was once ashamed of ever mentioning, the proof is in the change. If you are Christian and you are reading this then I know you can relate to me because this drastic change happens to every one of us.
I wasn't even planning on writing all that about regeneration... It kinda just happened as I was talking about the testimonies of the youth group and how amazed I was at what Christ had done in their lives, it all just popped into my head. Anyway, if you're still with me I'm going to share a little bit about my missions experience in general so far.
I think sometimes the term “missions” is romanticized or glamourized. I myself have been guilty of having a sort of romanticized view of missions in the past. I mean, you read all these inspiring books of missionaries or see these movies where all these cool things happen and you get the idea that all missions are like that all the time. This is definitely not the case. I was just talking with a friend of mine from the states and he was sharing with me about some of his experiences on a trip that he went on to Africa (I think). He described missions in a way that I would certainly agree with, he said that they can be a “spiritual workout.”
I know that there are missionaries all over the world who are sacrificing much more than I am, and are even often in life or death situations. I believe the most difficult missions are when people go somewhere that the gospel has never been heard, to a “people group” who has absolutely no clue who Christ is. But these areas are often very dangerous and the Christians who go there are usually risking their lives. I will not pretend to speak on behalf of them because I believe what they are doing is definitely different from what I am doing, and I think it is them who are the real missionaries... I'm simply a long-distance evangelist. But for me and for what I am doing I definitely would consider this to be a “spiritual workout.” There are spiritual highs and lows, just like a roller coaster. And there are also physical effects as well.
Please don't take this part of the blog to be me throwing a pity party, I'm fine, I'm just explaining the realities of missions...believe me I want to be here and I take great joy in doing the Lord's work regardless of the consequences...which really aren't consequences at all but instead bring great delight and satisfaction. With that being said, let me explain to you what I mean. Sometimes you get to experience the great joy of someone responding positively to the gospel. You see them broken over their sin and crying, asking you every question that comes to their mind about Christ and what he has done for them. This is probably my favorite part about missions but it is also the least frequently occurring. I guess I should not be surprised because Christ said that the way is narrow, and few will find it...the reality is that many more will not be saved than those who will, that's just what the bible says. But for every person that you get to see accept Christ for who he is, you see 15 others who just don't get it. People who you labor with for long periods of time, explaining to them the truths in the bible, people who for a time look like they are getting it, only to show that they really never had a grasp on it to begin with. You try to get people to come to bible studies or to church and they say they're going to come, you wait for them for an hour and they never show. Not only do they not show but they don't even call you to let you know. I am never mad at people for this sort of thing, I'm only telling you this so that you understand that there are many disappointments involved with missions. In fact I know a missionary couple who have been in Peru for over 4 years now who have not even seen one convert. This must be very hard because at some point you really want to see fruit from your labor, but we cannot be about numbers because salvation is a work of God and not of man... you might be able to give an emotional speech and get a bunch of “decisions,” but you wont be getting a bunch of converts, and there is absolutely a difference between decisions and genuine converts.
Sometimes you see people listen to you or “accept Christ” for the wrong reasons. I don't want someone to listen to me because I'm tall, white, and have blue eyes. I want them to listen to me because they are intrigued by the person of Christ. When the youth group was here we would go places and get cheers like we were rockstars, hundreds of people asked us for autographs, and many girls wanted to take pictures with us (the guys). I hated that, that's not what I was there for, and the reality is many times we get attention for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes your body goes through stress. I've been here for not even two months and I've probably lost almost 20 lbs. Partly because I've been sick a couple of times and partly because sometimes there's just no time to eat. I came here expecting this to happen, I'm not complaining about it, it's part of the sacrifice I was willing to make. I just want you to see that missions aren't what you see in Hollywood. You might have a bible study one night and plan for it to be over at a certain time so that you can go eat dinner. It turns out that a few of the people are really intrigued about Jesus and about what the bible says so you stay and talk with them. One hour turns into two, two into three. All of a sudden there are people crying out for God. All the places to eat are closed and there's no way to get dinner now but believe me that's the last thing you're thinking about when something like this happens. In fact something like this almost happened a few nights ago with myself, Ingrid, and Marcelle but I'm pretty sure we got to see at least one salvation that night. In a scenario like that, one scripture comes to mind.... “Man cannot live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” I wasn't even hungry when we finished even though I hadn't eaten hardly anything all day, It was just so awesome to be a part of something like that and witness God's supernatural work on someone's life that all of my fleshly desires such as eating were completely overwhelmed and consumed by joy in the spirit.
Sometimes it gets lonely. When you leave your home country, everything you're accustomed to, your friends, your family, the comforts you're used to enjoying, the foods you're used to eating, and travel to another land where people speak a language that you don't fully understand...sometimes all of this hits you and you feel like you're the only one. I am thankful because I believe God has given me a heart for missions anyway so I am glad to be here, and I'm not someone who gets home-sick, but I would be lying to you if I told you I've never felt lonely. I am living by myself and sometimes I wish there was someone to talk to. But I have learned that its moments like these that serve to draw you closer to God, because even when you have nobody around you, you always have him. You really have to learn to cling to God and allow him to be your companionship. We always read in the bible, and we're always taught that God is omnipresent, that he is everywhere, that he's with us wherever we go...but do we really believe that truth? Do we live as if it were actually true? This truth is my greatest sense of comfort when I would otherwise be driving myself crazy being alone for such long periods of time. Not only that but it has helped me to truly appreciate the times when I do have fellowship with others, this is one of the reasons why I was so happy to spend time with my friends from the states and the youth group who just visited.
Lastly I just want to share something that I believe God has placed upon my heart while I have been down here. I have been thinking about this every now and then for a while now but I haven't actually sat down and considered the full weight of it until recently after hearing the testimony of a friend of mine. I will use a quote to summarize what I've been thinking, “You get one life...it will pass, and only what you do for Christ will last.” I think sometimes we (or at least I speak for myself) forget the reality of just how short our lives are and how uncertain we are of tomorrow. The bible says that life is but a vapor, and not only that but we're not all promised our 80+ years of life. I could die next week in a car accident at the age of 23. The truth is... I just don't know when the Lord has ordained to call me home. All I know is that for everyone who is in the kingdom of God, we have all been given a purpose to fulfill with our time here on earth and that God will sustain us unto completion of that purpose...and after that, well you really don't want to be here longer than you have to anyway right? God does not just save us and then say, “Well I sure hope you're able to survive until you do this, this, this and that for me.” No, he provides for us and sustains us so that we can complete the good works that he has laid out before us. And while I think he has a lifetime of ministry ahead for me, my purposes in his kingdom might all be fulfilled tomorrow and my time might be up. I cannot take this life for granite.
If we truly believe that Christ is who he says he is,and that he is risen, and that “To live is Christ and to die is gain,” then what should our lives look like? What are we doing for him? Because everything else doesn't matter, only what we do for him, and I don't want to waste this life that he's given me...this life that's really not even mine because it's been bought with a price. If we were worth dying for, then is not Christ worth living for? This is a reality that I need to fight to keep on my mind at all times, especially when I become selfish because it's never about me... it's always been about him and bringing him glory. Do you know the only reason why Christians are even still on this earth? Because God has not only ordained for people to be saved but he has ordained the means by which they would be saved...through the hearing of the gospel. And who has he ordained to preach the gospel? Us...he chose to use us in his great plan of redemption. He didn't need us, but he chose to use us...how humbling is that? That the God of the universe, the creator of heaven and earth and everything in it would choose to use us? The fact that I get to do anything in his holy name is beyond me, especially in light of my sin. But what does that mean for us? That means that we have a purpose...we're not just here for the fun of it, we have a reason for being here. Certainly all of us have our own individual purposes that God has given us but in the big picture we are all here for the same reason. When you get to heaven and you stand before the throne of God, you're not going to wish you had spent more time watching TV, you're not going to wish you had spent one more day of the week perfecting your tan, you're not going to wish you had made more money (or spent more money). No, instead you're going to wish that you had done more for the cause of Christ, that you had shared the glorious gospel with more people, that you had spent more time encouraging fellow believers, and ultimately that you had spent more time living for the kingdom that you could never see instead of living for the one you could see. When I see people who are doing this, people who do not take their life for granite, it is more encouraging than a thousand people patting me on the back saying “good job.” I pray that more of us would live our lives with purpose, that we would see the gospel as what it is...truly good news, and that we would be obedient and faithful to proclaim it and live a life that the world may mock, but that Christ will one day say to us, “Well done good and faithful servant, you have fought the good fight, you have finished the race...now enter into eternal rest with me.”
